Monday, July 27, 2009

forgiveness is a good thing

So Enrique and I had a little fight. Well, it was more like mama getting kookoo crazy mad. I was not feeling too hot and decided to lay down with Anabel for a nap. Enrique was watching a movie. Then he came in and woke me up and started whining about something.

I just wanted to sleep. Really, really bad. And I totally lost it with him. I was so frustrated and upset I started crying and yelling. I had my hands on his shoulders, looking him right in the eyes screaming, "Leave me alone.. p-l-e-a-s-e!" It was not very pretty. Enrique got a little freaked out. I wanted to throw him outside and lock the door. I say it like I'm joking. But, really, I did. I don't think I have ever been this upset with my son and I, for sure, was having what I think was my worst ever mom moment.

About 10 minutes later, I was finally fully awake and feeling a little more sane. I apologized and we got on with the day.

Well, that night, while putting Enrique to bed, I came back to that moment of our day. Horrible, awful feeling. Laying with E in the bed, I pulled him super cuddly close and just looked into his big brown eyes. "I am so very, very sorry I got so mad at you earlier today." And he just looked at me with the saddest eyes. "Yeah, that was not very nice. You were really mean to me. I didn't like that." Oh man, break my heart! Then I said, "Please forgive me. That was not a very good way for me to treat you." "Ok, mommy, but don't ever do that again."


The next night, before going to sleep, he asked me, "You aren't going to get mad when you wake up in the morning?" "No. I am not. I promise." I think I cried myself to sleep that night. I hate that I made my son feel this way. Not some mean bully down the road, but me, his mom.

Last night, before falling asleep, he rubbed my cheek and said, "You are my best super hero mommy in the whole world." Forgiveness is a good thing.


~ April ~ EnchantedDandelions July 27, 2009 at 1:56 PM  

((HUGS)) for you both. I've definitely had my moments where I turned into a "howler monkey mommy" (term dubbed by my friend).

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